Change of plans

Dear Anna

I hope you can forgive me,…as this weekend we broke down the crib and changed the nursery into a little girls room. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. That was supposed to be your room. You daddy and I purchased a bunch of new furniture for Ava to have a “big girl” room. And you had a beautiful nursery. It was the nursery that Ava used,..but then it was going to be yours.

And now….everything has changed.

I didn’t touch your room for almost 7 months. I didn’t know what to do.
And this weekend,..I guess it was just time. And Ava moved back into that room with a bigger bed, and her “big girl” room will now be a guest bedroom. I guess. I don’t really know what is happening. It’s all so confusing.
Nothing is how it should be.

I have Ava, your 3 year-old sister in a queen size bed! It doesn’t even make any sense. But the bed was being stored and we figured we should just use it.

Maybe I can look at it as if she is bringing life back into that room again. The room that was so anxiously awaiting you. A beautiful crib. Butterflies and dragonfiles. Flowers. You would have loved it, my sweet girl.
I’m sure where you are now is much more beautiful than anyone could even envision. But all I can see is what we had prepared for you in our home.

Well,…Ava loves her new room. She woke up this morning and said out loud “I love this room!” She has never said that before. Maybe she feels you with her. I have an angel on the wall that I told Ava is her guardian Angel “Anna”. Before she went to bed she said goodnight to me…goodnight to daddy, and looked at the angel and said goodnight Anna. It was so cute.

You are always with us Anna. I hope you know that.
The angel on the wall was given to me when Ava was born. It says “A Mother holds her children’s hand for a while, their hearts forever” How appropriate this is for both my children.

Thinking of you always Anna. I miss you with every beat of my heart.