7 months ago

Dear Anna

7 months ago I met you. I held you. I didn't know that I could possibly love you as much as that moment. Your daddy saw you for the first time and said to me, "she's beautiful". Of course you were. You were created out of love. And were supposed to be part of this wonderful family. You would have completed us.  You would have been a playmate for your big sister. You would have been our "baby", our love and our joy. I don't know where you are now Anna...I know you are safe and happy. But, as I go through each day here without you,..I long for you more and more. I continue to be sad and miss you.

Anna, someday I'll be able to carry on with my days. But for now,...I can't seem to adjust without you. They say at 7 months old you would begin to engage in hiding games. You could feed yourself finger foods. You may even be ready for a sippy cup. These are the small milestones that make parents happy.

Instead,..I'm waiting. I'm waiting for your gravestone. I'm waiting for your 1-year birthday. I am not planning a party with balloons and presents,..rather a walk. Or a gathering of some sort, to honor you. It will all be very nice,...but, these are just not the thoughts I should be having 7 months after your birth.

It just doesn't seem right.

But, this is the way it is. And Anna, I hope you can give me the strength to go on. Somedays my thoughts of being with you are very strong. Please help me with my patience. As my time here is just as important. I have a daughter and a family that needs me. I want to be with them...but I'm torn because I want to be with you too. So, for now,..I will continue to carry you in my heart. But long to carry you again in my arms.

I wish I could say happy 7 month birthday to you today. But instead, I will just say I love you. I miss you. You will never be forgotten Anna.

ox